I learned God-worship when my pride was shattered. Going through the motions doesn’t please you, a flawless performance is nothing to you. The problem is that I end up noticing all the ways I’m falling short, but instead of slowing down and getting deeper to see what’s missing in those relationships, I just keep striving to be good and ignoring why I am not. My goal in life can easily be to perform and try to be good enough for others – good enough at work, in my marriage, with my friends, and with God. We can put all our energy into our careers, trying to get into the best schools, having the best network, and striving for status, but ignore our relationship with God to get our soul needs met. In a similar way, our walk with God can become a heartless routine with no excitement or desire to grow instead of an inspiring relationship. Eventually I changed my motives, and wanted to finish off the year well and with my friends. Granted, this was not the best decision, but after a long and arduous academic year of doing things I just felt I had to do, I at least reflected on why I was doing them and found no good reason to stay. My answer was I didn’t want to nor did I have to be there, so I walked out and got tacos with some friends downtown. “Why am I still here?” “Why should I keep doing all this work now?” “Who am I doing all this work for?” I remember sitting in my AP Stats class and started asking myself questions: Once I finished all my SAT’s, ACT’s, AP tests, and found out where I got into college, it got worse. My senior year of high school, I got a bad case of senioritis. And he works so hard that he never stops and asks himself, “Why am I working so hard? Why don’t I let myself enjoy my life?” This is also a very bad and senseless thing. I saw a man who has no family, not a son or even a brother.
#Dig a little deeper how to#
Let’s break down this scripture to learn how to grow deeper in our walk with God through reflection: Search: don’t be afraid to ask the why’s However, reflecting on our why’s and allowing God to search our innermost thoughts and desires ( Heb 4:12) is how we are able to deepen our walk with God, understand why we do what we do through the scriptures, and allow God to help us become who we are meant to be as we reflect and grow. The rift I just caused in my already distant relationship with my dad felt too difficult to endure, so if I ignored it, then maybe it wasn’t there. I never slowed down enough to understand why and where the anger was coming from, or the feelings of fear and embarrassment that simmered underneath. We never talked about it – I apologized at dinner, and we moved on. I was so angry, I ripped it in pieces, cried, and went to my room. One time in high school, my dad was trying to help me on an art project but ended up doing most of it himself by the time I came home. So for most of my life, I lived pretty aloof, ignoring any emotions or guilt I would feel along the way, and if I felt anything negative I just slept it off and tried to forget it.īut this aloofness could only last so long. It feels as if once I reflect and acknowledge some deeper truth, it will become final and definitive about who I am. Unfortunately, I do not so readily invite God’s “searching gaze into my heart.” I’m afraid that if I slow down enough, I’m going to end up seeing and feeling things that are painful, difficult, or shameful ( John 3:19-21). When it’s the latter, my heart is more receptive, I get new insights from the Bible, and I feel God’s presence in my life. I can tell the difference in my times with God when I’m just going through the motions and when I’m really present, engaged, and interacting with scriptures and in prayer.
However, it does require us to explore the deeper parts of our hearts that may be uncomfortable to examine and be honest about with ourselves and with God. Having a deeply personal relationship with God is exciting – it brings a lot of security and confidence as we try to grow. See if there is any path of pain I’m walking on, and lead me back to your glorious, everlasting ways- the path that brings me back to you.
Put me to the test and sift through all my anxious cares.
Examine me through and through find out everything that may be hidden within me. God, I invite your searching gaze into my heart.
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